i just dont know what i want anymore. like sometimes i feel like im just by myself i hate being alone but thats what sometimes it feels like.i really just dont know what i want anymore this hole thing with me moving is fucking with my head cause i wouldnt always be thinkin the things i think and i wouldnt be fuckin up how im fucking up. im just sick of everyone telling me to look on the bright side and just think about school when there is nothing right now for me on the bright side and i have no faith in myself anymore its hard for me to just think about school when im thinkin about everyone else and how much of a happyer person i could be im not even happy anymore nothing makes me happy.even when i am home (lindenhurst).im just a confused girl stuck in her own little world not noone one thing about herself anymore..i hate this hole thing about everything ,... i hate how im in long distance relationship it makes soo fuckin mad its not even funny and i know nothing will be back to normal until im eightteen. ughhh i just dont know what i want anymore theres like two different things going on in my head and i dont know waht is right or wrong and what if i make the wrong choices. i know for a fact i really wanna do good in school... sometimes i feel like noone is helping they just make me even more fustrated telling me that things will get betta but nothing will get betta at all until im outta this place. i really feel like i need to go somewhere cause i need a lot of help in my life and im sick of pretending that everything is okay im hurting my family and friends about how i am..my anut told me she hated talkin to her niece like this not laughing and not telling jokes she tells me she misses her niece who loved goin to northport and going on seasaws with her and not caring about how old i was jusst loved having fun i cant be like that anymore i told her until i figure out who i really am and if this is who i choose to be.my nona (grandma) saids i used to be a very talkitive person and i dont even no waht to say anymore i just sit there looking like im lost which i am.she never thought her sixteen almost seventeen year old granddaughter woould be so miserable after all the joy and the laughs that she was always telling and makin everyone feel better. my friends tell me that i was the always helping people they never thought i was gonna need this much help before and i dont even have a friends shoulder to cry on i have none here.. i miss sandra cait ava vickee amber sooo muchh i miss talking about girl things boy problems doing each other nails makin fun of people that thought they were so cool gettin candy crying givin advice i miss the memories soo much . Distance is so fuckin painful...i just have know ideea what im doing anymore i just want my life back i want my old fun funny self the one that noone knew was ever gonna smile.